well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
