last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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