i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize