I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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