The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Let's get the cat blown out
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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