if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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