Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
