Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
