I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
