Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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