I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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