Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize