I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
