seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
