things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
