Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize