I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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