so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
