I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
