dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
