No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
