I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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