uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
