Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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