i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I should be sponsored by Trojan
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
