just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
