I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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