were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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