Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize