i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
