As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
