At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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