just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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