so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize