Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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