I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
