you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
try to milk me bitch
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