1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think a kid would responsible me up
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
