Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Randomize
