She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
