In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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