I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
