is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she smelled like a LAN party
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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