just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
