Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
