Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
