as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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