Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
