Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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