I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize