I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
