If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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