Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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