That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
