Kareoke will never be a sober sport
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
