It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
