He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
