I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
