So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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