I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
