I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
