Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
