They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
