you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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