I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
