i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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