This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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