now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
