I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
