Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
