yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
