mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
