i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I pour the whiskey from now on
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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