Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
