whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
