It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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