This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
