Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
