two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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