It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize