So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
