I just cut my nipple shaving
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize