I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
