I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
