he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
