I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
