i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
