Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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