Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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