I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize