the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
