I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
