Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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