You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
