Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
babies were throwing up all over the place
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
