im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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