I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
the gays at disneyland are vicious
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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