Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
