drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
