worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
