So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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