dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
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