I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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