There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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