Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
FUCK WHALES
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
