wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize