Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
