So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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